


Genophobia

by aidyr



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dancing, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gem Fusion, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lapis Lazuli Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Late Night Writing, Light Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, attempted fusion, or like... its implied, peridot is loving and supportive, poor baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aidyr/pseuds/aidyr
Summary: Lapis thought she was finally ready to try fusion again.But in the moment, she just couldn't do it. Not even with Peridot.





	Genophobia

“You’re still sure about this? It’s okay if you decide you don’t want to…”

“N-no I got this.” Lapis looked down at Peridot, who was staring back up at her with large round eyes; feeling unsure. Despite the knot in her gut, which weighed on her like a ball of steel, she wanted this. Despite the tremors that shook her body, Lapis wanted to do this. She was ready.

Or at the least she wanted to be ready.

She _needed_ to be ready.

Peridot wasn’t Jasper. And whatever was about to happen, it wouldn’t be like Malachite. Peridot wouldn’t hurt her and she wouldn’t hurt Peridot. She’d never forgive herself were she to lay a scratch on the precious blonde gem. She knew this wasn’t like last time, she knew she was better… 

So why did she feel so sick?

“Lapis you look like you’ve just watched someone shatter… Are you sure?” Peridot’s hands tightened their grip around Lapis’. It was an appreciated gesture, but it did little to stop the ocean of fear and waves of anxiety trying to claw their way to the forefront of Lapis’ mind.

But she fought it down. She stuffed her turmoil down so hard, she could near physically choke on it. Regardless of how much of a non-problem choking was for gems.

“N-no I’m fine… Seriously I want to d-do this so…”

Peridot didn’t seem convinced. But she slowly nodded, and began to softly sway with Lapis anyways. They rocked gently back and forth, feeling the grass beneath them and the wind as it twirled through their hair. Peridot moved in closer to Lapis, pressing their bodies together. She stole a glance at the anxious gem above her and spoke, “Okay… but alert me if you wish to stop. It's okay.”

Lapis took a deep breath, and tried to concentrate on her movements. Peridot had opted to take the lead, so all Lapis needed to do was follow. Probably for the best. The older gem didn’t honestly think she would’ve been able to make herself lead their dance. But all she had to do was move with the smaller gem. She didn’t need to think about Jasper—or Malachite. She just needed to focus of the gem who now held her hands; the gem she’d come to care for more than any other.

They moved right, they moved left, they spun, they smiled.

They danced.

Minutes passed, and suddenly Lapis found herself immersed with their shared movements. She found herself distracted by the way they stepped and swayed as if they’d both been listening to their favorite song, and the way Peridot’s warm little body touched hers in a manner so comforting she completely forgot why they were doing what they were.

There was a hot, fluttering feeling in her chest when Lapis allowed herself to relax and be lost in Peridot’s caring emerald eyes. She didn’t know what was happening, only that she was warm and happy.

There was a light.

There was a strange, familiar feeling.

It was a nice feeling.

Then memories were anything but.

Jasper and her trapped, forcing themselves into shared suffering. Codependent; toxic and abusive. The sickeningly sweet feeling of keeping someone hostage and breaking them— _torturing_ them. Her sharp yellow eyes cut into Lapis’ and a filthy smirk found its way on Jasper's lips. They both somehow enjoyed this disgusting experience. They both reveled in the terribleness of their fusion. Malachite had ruined them both.

Suddenly, all the light flittering in Lapis’ chest had been replaced by panic. She felt the urge to kick and yell, and rid herself of the chains she was surly being imprisoned with.

Just as quickly as it had happened, their fusion fell apart.

Lapis was afraid to see disappointment and hurt, but instead, found Peridot slowly shuffling towards her with unbearable worry written across her face.

Lapis didn’t deserve her.

The ocean gem failed to notice at first, but when a small green hand came up to wipe the tears streaking her flustered blue cheeks it was apparent that Lapis had started to cry.

She thought she was ready.

She was wrong.

There was a moment of quiet. The sounds of nature drowned out by their own silence and the soft sniffles that came with Lapis’ crying. Some time had passed when finally Lapis glanced to Peridot, who immediately returned the look.

“What if I never fuse again…?” She mumbled, more to herself than anything.

The smaller gem crept forward slowly, as if moving too quickly would scare Lapis away. The little technician sat next to her, and fidgeted awkwardly with the grass between her fingertips. “I think…” she hesitantly began “that would be okay.” Before the older gem could say anything, Peridot continued, “I mean, if you want to get there someday, that's very admirable and I support you. But you don't _have_ to fuse.”

Lapis shook her head, still trying to rid herself of the terrible memories that had unfortunately resurfaced. Watery streams continued to roll down her face, only to be dabbed away by Peridot’s thoughtful touch. “I thought I was getting better Peridot… why can't I just…”

“There's no rush, Laz.” Peridot offered a sympathetic smile. It did help a little, as Peridot was often too cute for words. Her small reassuring smile was just as adorable as ever, and it did help somewhat to calm the older gem’s frazzled nerves.

“Sorry…”

“You've got nothing to be sorry for.”

Lapis shrugged, regarding Peridot with a sideways glance. She sighed, “When I told you I wanted to try fusing… you seemed so excited. Worried, of course, when you noticed how I was acting. But regardless. I'm sorry I couldn't fuse with you. Took something from you that you seem to enjoy.”

Peridot looked to hesitate at that. She rubbed her neck sheepishly as Lapis awaited a response her apology, “W-well I mean… I don't know if that's accurate. Yes, I was excited to fuse with you. But not because I enjoy it… I don't know if I enjoy it… I've um, never done it.”

Lapis looked up, she quickly turned to face Peridot. The latter gem's green cheeks burned with an embarrassed turquoise glow. “You… you were going to let me be your first? Really?”

When Peridot nodded, Lapis felt a bashful blush of her own coming on.

“Wow…” Lapis breathed. She had so many feelings and at the time wasn't nearly clear enough in the head to sort them out. “Thanks…” was all she could think to say.

After that, they sat in comfortable silence. Despite all that had only just happened, it was a very nice day out. There were fluffy white clouds in the sky, and a light ocean breeze which blew the grass about much like the sea from which said wind came. It took a while, but Lapis found herself settling into the scenery.

At some point, Peridot’s little head had found its way onto Lapis’ shoulder.

Lapis most certainly didn't mind.

An unknown amount of time had passed, when finally Lapis found it within herself to speak up,

“Probably not soon… But when I'm ready… I think I want to try that again.”

Peridot smiled.

“Of course. I'd be happy to.”

**Author's Note:**

> Have some fluff/angst. Mostly fluff though, I can't hurt my babies too bad.
> 
> I've had a lot of ideas for some really neat longer stories. Including but not limited to a lapidot/Life is Strange alternate universe. In which Peri is lovely Maxine Caufield and Lapis is my punk waifu Chloe. Also I may or may not be writing a spicy lapidot smutfic. So keep an eye out for that.
> 
> Uuuugh, I start school hella fucking soon. I don't wanna. T-T
> 
> P.s. would anyone be interested in doing a collab? I wanna try partner writing.


End file.
